I have a bad back
And This morning
In preparation to get down to my back-strengthening exercises
I opened Spotify
it was still on what I'd last been listening to the night before
m b v
my bloody valentine's masterful 2013 album
So I pressed play on track one
‘she found now’
as soon as one hears
those fuzzy furry stacked guitars
One recognises immediately the work of my bloody valentine
Flat on my back
I luxuriated in the rich dreampop
Knees bent lifting my hips
Before I snapped at my wife
"Who is this?"
She was still in bed
Minding her own business
“I don't know,” she eventually confessed
"Come on," I replied.
“I don’t know,” she repeated. “Give me a clue.”
"The guitar sound is unmistakable,” I said
This was before 8am and she probably just wanted a restful start to the day
The chance to finish her cup of tea in peace
but I was having none of it
'Of course you know who it is,’ i insisted
And do you know what she said
She said to me
Get this
“Angel Du$t?”
Angel Du$t!
Angel Du$t for those who don't know
is the Turnstile-adjacent Baltimore-based pop punk band
fronted by Justice Tripp
and they don't sound a thing like
My Bloody Valentine
the only reason my wife
Suggested them was because 24 hours earlier
I'd got one of those emails
subject line:
NEW TOUR DATES FOR YOUR PREVIOUSLY BOOKED ARTISTS
The previously booked artist in question was Angel Du$t
Who i saw last year
2022
Wednesday 22 June
At Village Underground
a showcase for
for the Manchester-based Outbreak festival
There were a bunch of bands that night I didn't know
alongside
Mannequin Pussy
Who I know and love
The headliners Angel Du$t
however, were completely new to me
And Angel du$t did something during that gig
i’d never seen a band do
they played a few songs
And then all of a sudden
There were these random men on stage
And Angel Du$t handed over their instruments
To the intruders
Who it transpired were the band Militarie Gun
Militarie Gun played a song and then handed
Back to Angel Du$t
Extraordinary scenes
So that was the night
They won me over
And I'd have gone to see Angel Du$t anyway
On their forthcoming tour
but what made the newly announced London date extra sweet
was that it was at the New Cross Inn
New Cross is Very close to where I live
I can be home in 20 minutes
I'd told my wife about this
Which is why she had Angel Du$t on her mind
Or rather
Why she thought I had Angel Du$t on my mind
but as they sound nothing like My Bloody Valentine
it was an absurd suggestion
I should insert here
That my wife is much younger
and I think it's the duty of an older partner
to educate a younger spouse
so that as a partnership they do not become culturally estranged
I suppose this works both ways
That Both younger and older partner
might become teacher and pupil
but despite my 40 years of age
I remain at the cutting edge
Of cultural engagement
and know my yungblud
From my beabadoobee
However my younger wife might potentially
feel adrift when quizzed about culture of her husband’s vintage
so I frequently throw challenges at her
“name 3 lou barlow bands” I’ll exclaim out of nowhere
And she will fire back
“sebadoh, dinosaur jnr and folk implosion”
Because of the wisdom and learning she has
Accrued from an older husband
Therefore You can imagine my disappointment
that she couldn’t instantly identify
my bloody valentine
while yes admittedly ‘m b v’ is not as widely known as the album ‘loveless’
It shares the band’s unique production
that kevin shields guitar sound which is instantly recognisable
you could play me one second of kevin shields guitar
and i'd know it's him
therefore as I flipped over and readied myself to plank
I decided to test my wife further
i asked a question
i knew she knew the answer to
or knew she had once known
and the question was
“what is the name of Nick Mason's new band?”
the reason I knew she knew this was
I had watched live videos of this nick mason outfit
on her youtube
and it had corrupted her algorithms
so alongside suggested videos of Jamie Paige
there were live nick mason clips
therefore I knew all too well
that she held the answer within herself
as I held my plank
Waiting with a grimace on my face
she said
“spoon…spoon…ful of sugar”
"Nearly," I replied. “the alliteration is correct”
and then just as I reached the limits of my plank
she gave me the correct answer
“saucerful of secrets”
the reason i had saucerful of secrets on my mind
was that yesterday
(Yes, the same day that I bought my Angel Du$t ticket)
there was a visitor at work wearing a
nick mason's saucerful of secrets t-shirt
this particular t shirt
was to mark their 2019 gigs
at the roundhouse
and I thought I'd speak to him
but I found myself overthinking
what would I say
What would be my opening gambit
“Huh, nick mason, cool tee”
and I sometimes worry that it could be
construed as predatory to comment on
a person's band t-shirt
and also the evolution of band t-shirts
means that you can't always tell whether
they are fans of the band
I refer of course to Ramones
Nirvana
Guns and Roses t-shirts
And lately I have noticed very young people
wearing t-shirts for the Grateful Dead
I love Deadhead chat
But these are practically children
They don’t want to talk Jerry Garcia or Bill Kreutzmann
but here
Here was a man in his 70s
Grey hair, ponytail
wearing the saucerful of secrets t-shirt
there can be little doubt that he was a
Dyed-in-the-wool nick mason fan
and so it was this experience that
inspired my question
to my wife
and as I released my plank and took to my feet
my wife confessed
that she had looked up the answer on her phone
and while crestfallen that my wife cheated
I took comfort that her deception had surely
cemented the knowledge in her head